Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Did all this tone in one day

I also did laundry, went for a run,  went to the store and got a haircut.
This could be better.
I was going to completely re-do the first panel on the second page.
But didn't. Time to move on.


Tom Moon said...

It came out really well Ellis. I especially like the last page and its solid blacks.

MrGoodson2 said...

Just noticed that it starts black and ends black.

Tom Moon said...

Yeah, I noticed that too. That's the kind of thing that would be cool to exaggerate. Make a kind of visual "rhyming scheme" so to speak. It's like a life metaphor... starts in darkness, ends in darkness.

Davis Chino said...

Elz! Looks great!! Really cool--and such a fun story!

I love the consistent Demon characterization...for some reason that stood out to me. All the characterizations are great. Real tight--perfect for this length.

And re: yr complaint: I think the first panel of the 2nd page looks great! If I did anything, it would only be to separate the title a little more from the bkg (love the black splash behind it--but we lose just a little around the edges--I don't even think punching it up would nec'ly improve what you've got--it would just make the title a more emphatic part of the composition--which might make things less good, I dunno--but maybe this is what's bugging you?).

The one line of dialogue that really clunked for me was on that first page, last panel. Maybe something more like, "A flash of light--and the creature vanishes!!"

As one who spends most of his days struggling mightily against the need to get the words on the page (be it via hand-drawn lettering, a self-made font, or some blend of both), it was very interesting to see how you've dealt with that issue. These are a few of yr self-made fonts, yes? It works really well!

Just read it again....I wonder what you'd think about adding to the last panel...maybe just a word balloon from the (wonderfully implied) off-stage action? Something like the obligatory "IEEEE!"...? Or even a death-rattle sound ("...GAaaARRGHLlll...!")...I dunno, the image is so great and such a fine end, but the silence made it feel a little passive to me...? Dunno if a sound effect would help? Maybe not in a word balloon, but just a free-floating string of letters trailing in from offscreen?

Such a great last page. Really like the mood and incisive shapes of that first panel.

So cool to see you finish a story!! LOVE IT!

MrGoodson2 said...

Thanks guys. Really glad everyone likes it. I feel free. I dodn't have a half finished something anywhere I should be doing. I think I'll stay fairly short form and direct for new projects. Make sure I can deliver without a lot of delay.

Marty, Good point abot the reads every where you note. I may even change one word. That is the writers province of course. So it is presumptuous of me to do it. he dangerous game line "was nothing to write home about" Is improved with
"was little to write home about"

MrGoodson2 said...

And that sound effect addition. I was going to have it be KRAK. Since he cracks his back twice in the strip and the demon is paying attention to the mannerism.

Davis Chino said...

No, I changed my mind--I like the boldness of the silent ending!

It's such a gorgeous frame.

My initial reaction was just that--what I wanted on a first read-thru. But this should be geared toward something more permanent!

weezie said...

So great! I love the House of Mystery / House of Secrets vibe!